A nostalgic preteen story about comparison, confidence, and the generous grace God gives and how we can help our preteen ask better questions.
The Era of the Skort
I grew up in a decade where there was this one piece of clothing called… well…
a pair of shorts that was also a skirt…
and dundadunnn… you have… a skort!
If you grew up in my decade, you’re already laughing because you know exactly what I mean.
If you’re younger, “search it up,” as my preteen would say.
Here we go… preteen memory number two!
I grew up sandwiched between two brothers. As the only girl, I lived in this funny in-between space: singing, dress-up, doll play, bows, and SHOES!!! on one side… and then strapping on my roller skates to play hockey with the boys on the other.
I’d come in sweaty, shins bruised from playing goalie, but I loved every minute of it.
Hence… skorts were the perfect compromise.
I could flare my girly side and still be ready to yell, “Yes, pick me!” for whatever sport the neighborhood preteen wanted to play that day.
When the Comparison Game Begins
But somewhere in those preteen years, something shifted.
Suddenly, my eyes opened to others.
And with that came a familiar foe:
The comparison game.
James 4:1–2 says,
“What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you? You want what you don’t have, so you scheme to get it.”
Who even decides these things?
Who says shorts are better than skorts?
Or straight hair is better than curly?
Or that roller hockey was “last year” and lacrosse is the “new thing”?
Who decided pickleball is better than tennis?
Or that red M&Ms taste better than brown ones?
I was a preteen looking around and wondering two things:
“What do I see that is true around me?”
“And what does everyone else see of me?”
The Threat of “Keeping Up”
I remember walking into 5th grade Sunday school one morning and realizing apparently in one week we were no longer wearing dresses. Nope. The new thing was velvet pants.
Velvet. Pants.
And my preteen brain heard:
“Says everybody. Or else…”
What a threat from the world.
Truth be told, we are threatened by what the world says every single day.
I coach myself constantly:
“Hannah, you don’t need that.”
“Hannah, it’s okay they have that and you have this.”
“You are blessed, provided for, and rich in spirit with the Lord.”
But that doesn’t make the voice disappear.
And it doesn’t make it easy to live under the constant noise of world speech all around us.
God’s Generous Grace
If you move down just a few more verses in James after several more warnings (seriously, this whole book is so good) verse 6 helps me breathe again:
“And He gives grace generously…”
Can you take a deep breath with me?
In… and out…
Thank the Lord we have choices in life.
What a boring world it would be without variety.
Thank the Lord we are all created uniquely with different gifts, skills, personalities, preferences, and styles.
I truly believe this is the beauty of God’s people woven together into His story tapestry.
But when we fall into comparison…
when we try to keep up…
when we forget who God made us to be…
I have to remind myself:
God gives me grace. Generously.
Parenting Preteens Through Identity Questions
Preteens in the 90s (okay, now I’ve really aged myself) and preteens today may not struggle with skorts or velvet pants…
but they have their own versions of comparison and identity battles.
They’re trying to understand the world around them.
They’re watching what others do, say, wear, like, and value.
And they’re asking the same questions we once did:
“What do I see that is true around me?”
“And what does everyone else see of me?”
These are real, honest questions but left unanswered, the world fills those blanks with lies, pressure, anxiety, and confusion.
This is where we, as parents practicing Christ-centered parenting, gently shift the questions toward truth. This is the foundation of faith we build through spiritual parenting and faith formation for preteens.
Teaching Preteen About Faith Through Better Questions
We help our preteens learn to ask instead:
“Where do I turn to know what is true?”
“And what do others see in me?”
(The Christ-like character He is teaching me to be.)
Because what’s around them will constantly change.
What others see of them will never stay the same.
But what Christ says is true and what He is forming in them remains steady.
This approach to raising godly children creates a biblical worldview for preteen that helps them navigate peer pressure, social media, and cultural expectations with wisdom and grace. It’s what makes our preteen discipleship efforts truly transformative.
Building Your Family Faith Formation
So start these conversations with your preteen.
Use your own stories the funny ones, the awkward ones, the deeply human ones to weave Gospel truth into their everyday lives.
Show them pictures.
Have some laughs.
Get a little awkward.
Open your Bible.
Guide them to what is true and unchanging.
You are shaping their worldview today for who they will become tomorrow.
Looking for practical ways to have these conversations? Explore devotionals for preteens and discover Christian parenting resources designed to help you navigate the preteen years with confidence and grace. From family devotionals to preteen Bible study materials, we’re here to support your discipleship journey.