A Story About Character, Not Playing Time
A mom’s story of high school sports, hard lessons, and how parents can help their preteen grow in humility, resilience, and Christlike character through spiritual parenting and faith-based parenting.
I am an athlete.
Now, having said that (or written it), I should add: I am moderately athletic — nothing elite, high-level, or professional by any stretch. But I was coordinated enough, quick at learning, and in decent shape to try out for teams and work hard to get better at whatever skill I was practicing. (Times have changed. It doesn’t quite work this way anymore.)
So I find myself asking:
Why have times changed?
What are my expectations for my preteen?
Is there something really important I want them to achieve? Or something I still want to achieve myself?
The Apostle Paul reminds me:
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.”
— Philippians 2:3
My High School Experience
In high school, I played Varsity basketball. But my main role wasn’t scoring points or leading the offense. I was the girl who played tough defense in practice so the starters could sharpen their skills. I was the one the crowd cheered wildly for when I got to go in during the last five minutes — when we were already up by forty.
Some might look at that and say, “Why bother being on the team if you barely play?”
I’ll tell you why:
Because I grew and learned from doing something hard.
James 1:12 — and really the whole flow of James 1:2–4, Romans 5:3–5, and Galatians 6:9 — reminds us:
“Blessed is the one who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.”
Honestly, it was hard to sit on the bench most of my senior year and not be out on the court playing. But it grew me in so many ways.
Lessons That Shaped Me
I learned how to be a team player — what it looks like and feels like to support others in their success. I learned how to be an encourager. It’s one thing to sit on the bench and be present, and it’s another thing to cheer your teammates on, lift them when they’re down, and celebrate their wins as if they were your own.
I learned humility. It’s okay to be part of something and not be the best at it. I learned that people who love you will show up no matter how much you’re “in the game”. It didn’t matter if I played 30 seconds, 30 minutes, or not at all — my family was always there to support me. What mattered to me mattered to them.
I also learned that being part of a team isn’t just about game day. The effort I gave in practice — pushing the starters, playing tough defense, being fully present — helped them succeed when it counted. That year our team broke several records. Our names are still on a plaque in the school. We almost made it to the state finals. Even though my minutes were minimal, I still got to experience what it feels like to be part of a winning team, not because I scored the points, but because I played the role God had for me.
These were valuable lessons that stretched far beyond what I realized at the time.
The Shift in Parenting Preteens Today
And now, as a parent, I can’t help but notice how different things feel today.
Yes, times have changed in the competitive sports world. Expectations look different for every family. Opportunities come earlier, pressure feels heavier, and achievement often becomes a measuring stick for worth — sometimes without us even realizing it.
And if I’m honest, there’s something in all of us — in our human, sinful nature — that desires success. We want our preteen to shine. We want them to belong. Sometimes we even feel old dreams or insecurities resurfacing as we watch them grow.
So where does that leave me as a parent?
What can I give my child that will matter forever?
Resources for Christian Parents
What can I offer that will:
- point them back to Scripture as their source of truth,
- teach them to trust God’s timing over the world’s pressure,
- and grow their character to look more like Christ — whether they’re the star player or the kid who rarely gets in.
That’s where God gently reminds me again of the kind of heart He longs to see in me… and in them.
Looking for more guidance on raising godly children? Explore our resources and articles for practical faith and family encouragement.
God’s Winning Team
You see, God wants us to be part of a winning team — His team.
He doesn’t need us to score all the points.
He doesn’t need us to win every game.
He doesn’t need us to prove anything to Him.
But He does want us to:
- Have a humble heart
- Be willing to learn and endure hard things
- Recognize the people in our corner who show up whether we fail, sit the bench, or succeed
- Stay consistent and present
- Be prepared and ready when it’s our turn
- Put in the daily “practice” of walking with Him so we stay healthy and help those we influence grow
Modeling Christ-Centered Character
When I, as the parent, model a humble heart for my preteen — especially my preteen — it shapes them far more deeply than any trophy or scoreboard ever could. This is the heart of raising spiritual champions — not through worldly success, but through Christ-centered character development.
And honestly, that’s where the real joy is.
Not in medals, playing time, or applause…
But in giving God our hearts.
Continue your discipleship journey with more faith-based parenting insights and spiritual growth tools designed specifically for families navigating the preteen years.