“Criss-cross applesauce.”
It’s a phrase most of us remember from grade school — circle time, sitting on the floor, legs folded, trying to stay still (or at least look like we were).
But as adults, there are still things we “cross”… and they say a lot more than we realize.
We cross our arms. We carry a crossed or tense look on our face. We shift our posture in subtle ways that communicate more than our words ever do.
And here’s the thing:
People are noticing.
What Your Body Language Is Really Saying
These small habits — crossed arms, tightened expressions, closed posture — are forms of nonverbal communication.
They’re often micro-expressions or subconscious signals that can communicate:
- Defensiveness
- Frustration
- Discomfort
- Disinterest
- Even contempt
The challenge is… we’re usually not aware we’re doing it.
We may feel neutral or even open on the inside, but what others see can tell a completely different story.
And because people process body language so quickly, these signals can shape how a conversation feels before it even begins.
This is something I talk about a lot in family faith formation — the idea that our habits at home are always teaching something, even when we think we’re not in “teaching mode.”
The Gap Between What We Feel and What We Show
Most of us don’t intentionally try to send the wrong message.
In fact, it’s usually the opposite.
We want to be:
- Loving
- Approachable
- Understanding
- Present
But our communication habits — especially nonverbal ones — don’t always align with that intention.
That’s where growing in people skills becomes so important.
Because awareness changes everything.
People Skills: Awareness, Not Pretending
When I coach individuals on people skills and communication, one of the first things we focus on is bringing awareness to what’s already happening.
Not to shame it. Not to overanalyze it. And definitely not to turn you into someone you’re not.
Let me be really clear:
People skills coaching is not about changing who you are.
It’s not about becoming fake, polished, or scripted.
You were created intentionally. God gave you your personality, your voice, your gifts, and your influence on purpose.
The goal isn’t to erase that — it’s to align how you express it with the message you actually want others to receive.
Aligning Your Communication With Your Intent
As we grow in communication skills, we begin to ask better questions:
- Does my posture reflect openness or resistance?
- Does my facial expression match the care I feel inside?
- Are my nonverbal cues helping or hurting this interaction?
From there, we don’t just notice — we practice.
We learn healthier communication patterns like:
- Open and relaxed body language
- Intentional eye contact
- Facial expressions that reflect empathy and presence
- Word choices that build connection instead of distance
Over time, these shifts begin to feel natural — not forced.
And the result?
People experience you differently.
For parents and ministry leaders, this kind of growth is a core part of preteen discipleship — because your preteens are watching, reading, and learning from every interaction you have with them. Explore more on building connection with the next generation at Preteen Journey.
Reflecting Christ Through the Way We Communicate
For me, this goes deeper than just improving communication.
It’s about reflection.
If we are called to reflect Christ in all that we do, that includes:
- How we listen
- How we respond
- How we carry ourselves in everyday interactions
When our nonverbal communication aligns with love, patience, and understanding, we begin to show others something greater than ourselves.
We show them Christ at work in us and through us.
And that is powerful.
Because sometimes, what people see in us will speak louder than anything we could ever say.
A Simple Place to Start
So here’s a simple question to carry with you today:
What might your “crossed” habits be communicating?
Not with pressure — but with curiosity.
Because when you begin to notice, you also begin to grow.
Ready to Grow in Your People Skills?
If you want to become more aware of your communication habits, strengthen your relationships, and reflect Christ more clearly in your everyday interactions, I’d love to walk with you in that.
Dig deeper into family faith formation and the everyday habits that shape how you connect with more Christian family resources designed for the preteen years. Explore here.